Daily Archives: May 8, 2017

“My brain is kinda different..”

When I saw this video, it brought tears to my eyes.  Berrik could be in this video.  What is most sad to me, is how our school system and our society is just not set up for kids like these kids.  Regardless of whether anyone says to these kids that they are ‘bad’ or not smart enough, they ‘sense’ that they are different, and from that they assume they are ‘bad’.  At least that was our experience.  Berrik took months to get over feeling like he was somehow not smart enough, or not well behaved.  The truth is he is very smart – well, ‘average’ anyways if those ridiculous IQ tests can be believed.  And he is incredibly well-behaved.  And like all kids, he just wants to succeed.

Unfortunately society and our school system tells us what ‘success’ looks like.  We are all guilty.  I have 2 kids who are in competitive activities where winning is a goal, and winning is celebrated.  They have good marks at school and we celebrate that too. I don’t think there is anything wrong with this, as long as winning isn’t EVERYTHING, and there are lessons in the losing, and lessons about commitment and hard work.  But for a kid like Berrik, ‘winning’ in this conventional sense, isn’t in the cards for him.  He works harder and is more committed than anyone I know.  Yet he won’t have gold medals in sports, and he won’t likely be valedictorian (although, you never know…the kid is pretty smart).  In our family we have tried to redefine success, and homeschooling allows us to celebrate success without comparing to other kids.  Berrik is a great skiier, and does well on his bike.  He has fun doing these activities, and that is all that matters.  But I come from a family where success in school and sports has always been celebrated, and has always been a big deal.  My brother was/is a star athlete with good grades.  I was a star student with moderate athletic success.  My girls do well in their respective activities. My niece and nephew win at pretty much everything they do, athletics and scholastically. Berrik sees this and knows he doesn’t ‘win’ like everyone else.  It’s heartbreaking.  And inescapable.  Thinking that he will grow up always sensing that he doesn’t measure up makes me feel sick to my stomach.  Because he does measure up.  In every important way.  He’s kind and generous, loving, hard working, funny, and just about the sweetest kid that ever existed.  This morning he woke me up by saying, “Good morning my most favorite mom!”  There should be gold medals for kids like Berrik.

I know a lot of kids feel they don’t measure up to society’s expectations of success.  I know adults who feel they don’t measure up.  Berrik isn’t unique in this.  I can only hope that showing Berrik every single day that he is winning in the biggest ways will be enough. ​ In the race for best human being, he is in the lead.  I hope he grows up knowing this and realizing how much of a winner that makes him.